Showing posts with label fathers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fathers. Show all posts

A short story about one government-issue, middle-class, Middle-American family from Denver

My government-issue parents in Denver, circa 1950. Thanks to my sister Mary for the photo.
I was born in Denver at the tail end of 1950.

My father was a World War II veteran who used the G.I. Bill of Rights to graduate from Regis College (now Regis University) in three years. It was a private Catholic college, one he never could have afforded without the government program, promulgated by Pres. Roosevelt and sponsored by Democrats and Republicans, that provided college degrees for millions of American men. The U.S. Navy paid for my mother's nurse's training at Mercy Hospital in Denver. The war was over before she finished so she didn't have to join the fight. But she did use her government-supported training to help support her nine children from 1946 until she died forty years later. My father spent most of his working life building Defense Department-funded ICBM missile silos around the West and then with the space program in Florida. His salary, directly and indirectly, was paid by Uncle Sam.

My father's father made a pretty good living in Denver selling insurance with Mutual of New York. But before he joined private industry, he served with the Iowa National Guard on the U.S. Mexico border and then in France with the AEF. After repeated gas attacks, the Army shipped him to Fitzsimons Army Medical Hospital outside Denver. During his recuperation, he struck up a friendship with an Army nurse, Florence Green from Baltimore, who had traded the life of a debutante to tend to shattered soldiers on the front. The U.S. Army trained her in the healing arts. Grandpa Shay was forever grateful. Both Grandma and Grandpa received the lion's share of their medical care from Veteran's Administration hospitals in Denver and Cheyenne. They both were buried in Denver's government-administered military cemetery, Fort Logan. You can go visit them. Notice what a fine job the V.A. does in maintaining this national landmark. Go ahead, notice.

My mother' mother was the first postmistress in a little town outside Cincinnati. She liked her government paycheck. But one summer she joined her sister and two friends for a road trip via flivver to the Rocky Mountains. The roads were rough. Fortunately, Brevet Lt. Col. Dwight D. Eisenhower had led the U.S. Army's Motor Transport Company from D.C. to California in 1919 and made the road navigable. A year later, she was following the same government-blazed trail and, a year after that, she and her sister were living in Denver and visiting the mountains regularly.

Ike was from Kansas but he liked Denver. He got married in Denver to Mamie Doud and later fished the U.S. Forest Service mountain streams during his breaks from the Oval Office. During one Mile High trip, he suffered a heart attack and recuperated at Fitzsimons Army Hospital. I was four -- almost five -- at the time. Our family lived just off of Colfax Avenue in Aurora and my father took me down to the corner, pointed at the well-lit building across the street, and said: "Our president is right over there." The president was a Republican. My father was a Democrat -- then. But he said "our" president. Gen. Eisenhower had been his supreme commander in the ETO. And now he was his -- our -- president. We then walked back to our $8,000 house, purchased without a down payment and paid for with a low-interest loan. At the end of his life, my father was astonished that he paid twice as much for a new car as he paid for his first house. He was a Florida Republican by then, a by-product of Nixon's southern strategy. He seemed astonished by many things, particularly the Liberal politics of his eldest son. Even though he passed away almost a decade ago, Dad may be astonished still.
Spawn of our government-sponsored parents (see above), taken in her backyard in Daytona Beach, Fla.,
where we used to watch government-sponsored rockets blast off into space (from the Mary Shay Powell archives).
My mother's father came from Ireland in 1917. He worked with his brother on the Chicago El until he got sick and had his infected lung removed at the city's charity hospital. The doctor advised him to take his one remaining lung and go to the healthy climes of the West. Grandpa made it as far as Denver, liked it, and decided to stay. He worked at the post office for many years, and then the railroad. He also was a handyman and a helpful neighbor. He only had a sixth-grade education, but I learned more from my Grandpa Hett than I did from almost anyone else. He was a strong believer in the healing power of ice cream. This also is my belief.

These are my forebears. An imperfect lot, to be sure, and I carry on that tradition. It is possible that we all would be perfectly fine without the programs and opportunities offered by our citizen-funded government. It is possible, yet unlikely.

Dear Pops: Happy Father's Day from Netroots Nation

Thomas Reed Shay (a.k.a. Big Tom)
Alone on Father's Day. That occurred to me as I awoke this morning. I'm in Minneapolis, Chris is in Cheyenne, Kevin is in Tucson and Annie in Denver. By the end of the day, Chris and I will be together on Father's Day, which is important to both of us. Our kiddos have their own lives, as they should.

My father, Thomas Reed Shay, passed away eight years ago. Wonder what he would have made of the Netroots Nation conference? He turned my age of 60 in 1983, when we were knee-deep in the Reagan era. He was happy with the Reagan era and I was not. He was a moderate conservative, one of those people in the South who first went from Democratic to Republican for Nixon in 1968 and again in 1972. The beginnings of the vaunted Republican Southern Strategy, which culminated in two terms of Ronald Reagan chipping away at federal government programs and protections. And now look what we have.

My father would have found some common ground among the working people at Netroots Nation. He would have objected to some of the tough talk against Republicans. Not sure if he would have much in common with Tea Party Republicans such as Michelle Bachmann, a guest speaker at The Right Online conference held across the street from Netroots Nation. T.R. Shay was a William F. Buckley fan and watched him regularly. Free enterprise, hard work, small government. He believed in all of those principles. So do I.

He was the first in his family to go to college and he did it on the G.I. Bill after four years (two in Europe) as Government Issue (G.I.). He bought his first house with no down payment courtesy of the U.S. Government. He worked on government contracts for Martin-Marietta (now Lockheed-Martin) building ICBM missile silos across the West. Later, he worked on the space program with G.E. and NASA. Government programs.

He was a Florida state government employee (now an endangered species, thanks to wacky Republicans) and later had his own accounting business. He was the first one of us to own a personal computer -- the Apple IIe. We considered it a strange and wondrous thing. He seemed at home with it. He built his own crystal radio sets as a boy in the 1930s and, in the 1950s, built his own hi-fi. Not surprising that he was a radio operator with the U.S. Army Signal Corps in World War II.

If my father were still alive, would he be a blogger? I have no doubt that he would be a confirmed user of Facebook. His handle would be Big Tom, which is what his grandkids called him -- at his insistence ("I'm too young to be a grandfather!") If he blogged, he would be somewhere in the middle, caught between moonbats such as myself and wingnuts such as Andrew Breitbart et.al. He might also find himself closer to what I do, as the center has moved to the Right at the insistence of the Right.

As you can see, I'm thinking about my father today. We didn't always agree. But he was always my father. I miss him.

Children's Mental Health Awareness Week (May 1-7) celebrates "the diversity and resilience of families"

Most children with mental health challenges do not get the help they need.

Here are some facts to mull over from the Federation of Families for Children's Mental Health:

• 1 in 3 adolescents (aged 13 to 18) with mental disorders receive services for their diagnosis.
• Half of adolescents with severely impairing mental disorders never receive treatment.
• Service rates are highest for adolescents with ADHD (59.8%) and behavior disorders (45.4%).
• Fewer than 1 in 5 adolescents with anxiety, eating, or substance use disorders receive treatment for those disorders.
• Hispanic and Black adolescents are less likely than their White counterparts to receive services for mood and anxiety disorders.

Kevin the Climber, Part II


Vedauwoo photo from climbing site vedauwoo.org
This is a good day to be recalling some of my adventures with our son, Kevin. He’s flying in from Tucson today as a 26-year-old man who has a life of his own a thousand miles away. He’s a groomsman at a good friend’s wedding, and he taking an elongated spring break. He’s on the lifetime plan at a community college. But it’s his plan and I’m glad he has one. He doesn’t do much rock climbing any more, but it was his passion as a youngster growing up in Colorado and Wyoming. This post is the second installment of Kevin the Climber.
I watch my son Kevin as he clambers up the tumbledown boulder field of Vedauwoo in southeastern Wyoming’s Laramie Range during the summer of 1996.  There is something natural about this 11-year-old’s ease with the billion-year-old rock, the way he picks his way through narrow passageways and finds just the right finger hold to get up and over a house-sized chunk of Precambrian granite.  You could say that since he is a third-generation Coloradan, born within the magnetic fields of dozens of mountain ranges, he was destined to climb rocks.  He could just have easily been born to yodel country-western songs or snowboard naked or speculate in Aspen real estate or a thousand-and-one things Westerners seem compelled to do.  Kevin prefers rocks.
Where Kevin sees a ladder to the sky, I see a rocky barrier. I will climb until I get to the top or get stymied by a “radical vertical,” whichever comes first.   The rocks seem to beckon Kevin, to welcome him in ways foreign to me.  I have suggested that he should take rope-climbing classes, learn the traditional roots of the sport.  “Why would I want to do that?” he asks, as if it never occurred to him to place something as foreign as rope between him and the mountain.
It’s possible his rock worship might date back to our Druidic roots, our Celtic ancestors’ reciprocal relationship with the natural world.  It may just be that he likes free-climbing rocks the same way I loved surfing during my teen years on Florida’s Atlantic coast.  The Druid Surfer spawns the Druid Rockhead.  If we could jump back in time a million years or so, we could both be engaged in our separate passions right on this very spot.  He could be climbing Mesozoic rocks, still bursting from the earth’s crust, and I could be surfing the bitchin’ waves of the ancient inland sea.
Because Kevin has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, his love for rocks has physiological roots.  To concentrate is everything for this hyperactive kid.  He can’t do it for extended periods of time unless he is under the influence of Ritalin, a drug that helps him control an aggressive impulsiveness, one of the telltale signs of ADHD.  Right now, as he climbs toward the sharp blue Wyoming sky, the Ritalin, a central nervous system stimulant, is working on my son’s brain stem arousal system causing it to not be aroused.  Why is that?  Don’t look for any help from the medical texts.  Says thePhysicians’ Desk Reference:  There is no “specific evidence which clearly establishes the mechanism whereby Ritalin produces its mental and behavioral effects on children, nor conclusive evidence regarding how these effects relate to the condition of the central nervous system.”
Each time we climb, Kevin eventually disappears, leaving me to my own shortcomings as a climber.  I don’t mind.  Rocks offer him solace and solitude.  They do not call him names.  They do not mistake his energetic aura for anything else.  They are rocks and that is why we came here and why he will continue to climb long after I am sidelined by the aches of an aging Baby Boomer body.
Alone on the rocks, I get a chance to conduct my favorite climbing activity: sitting on a perch, watching the dark patterns that drifting cumulus make on the blue-green landscape.  Across the narrow valley, members of a rope-climbing class from University of Wyoming take turns rappeling down a cliff.  In the far distance on Sherman Hill, a line of trucks crawl along I-80 and a freight train crosses “The Gangplank” of the Laramie Range — a granite sheet that is a centuries-old thoroughfare for Cheyenne and Arapaho, pioneers, railroaders, vacationers and truckers, those transients that have been both boon and curse to the West.
I luxuriate in the feel of the cool breeze on my face, the tart taste of an apple on a July afternoon.  Hawks ride Vedauwoo’s complex air currents. A wonderful dream, to fly like a hawk.  Some time within the next hour Kevin will shout my name and I will look up to see him waving from a pinnacle, his lanky form etched against the blue sky. “Come on up!” he will yell, and I will return his wave and shake my head.
He goes some places where I cannot follow.
Cross-posted from easytolovebut blog. Way back when, this piece appeared in a longer and slightly different form in Montana’s now-defunct Northern Lights magazine.

In "Easy to Love but Hard to Raise," parents tell their stories

I'm pleased to have my work included in Easy to Love but Hard to Raise, a book from DRT Press set for an October release. Editors are Adrienne Bashista of Pittsboro, N.C., and Kay Marner of Ames, Iowa. Both are accomplished writers and editors who have experienced struggles in raising their own children. I have been impressed by their thoroughness and kindness. It's evident in their own essays and in their dealings with writers. My snarky self had a hard time with it, at first. One thing I learned early on as a parent with a son diagnosed with ADHD and a daughter with PBD and ADD -- wear your armor when you venture out into the world. My armor is my sharp tongue and, when that fails, scathing wit, to dull the cold hard stares and even colder and harder words of people who don't understand.

It's been a pleasure to work with Kay and Adrienne. Looking forward to the book. Here's some info the editors just posted on the brand new Easy to Love but Hard to Raise blog:
This blog got its start with the book: Easy to Love but Hard to Raise: Real Parents, Challenging Kids, True Stories (DRT Press, October, 2011). Contributors to this blog are connected to the book in some way: they sent in essays, offered their expert advice, or lent helpful thoughts and useful advice.

But our hope for this blog goes further than simply giving our book a presence on the Internet : we’d like our space to be a safe, kind, and understanding resource for anyone raising a child who is easy to love, but difficult to raise. We are here to support, share stories, commiserate, give tips, and provide safe haven for anyone parenting children impacted by ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder), PBD (Pediatric Bipolar Disorder), OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, PDD (Pervasive Developmental Disorder) or any other situation the takes the already difficult job of parenting and adds to challenge.

In memoriam: My younger brother, Pat

Obituary for my younger brother, Patrick Kevin Shay...

Patrick Kevin Shay passed away Dec. 8 at Palm Bay (Fla.) Hospital. He was 54.

Pat was born in Denver, Colo., on Nov. 18, 1956. After his family moved to Daytona Beach in 1964, he attended our Lady of Lourdes Elementary School and graduated in 1974 from Seabreeze High School.

He served in the U.S. Air Force from 1977-81, stationed overseas for two years in the Republic of South Korea. He was an avionics senior system specialist.

He married the former Jean Weikel on May 1, 1982, in Daytona Beach. They moved to Palm Bay and he joined the Harris Corp. as an engineering specialist, and worked there for more than 25 years.

Pat was a dedicated husband, father and softball coach. He coached for 15 years in the Palm Bay Little League, winning county championships and traveling to tournaments all over Florida. He never missed a single game or school function.

He is survived by his wife, Jean, his three daughters -- Katie, Palm Bay (Jeremy), Maggie, Davenport, and Erin, Palm Bay; one granddaughter -- Riley Ames of Palm Bay. He is also survived by eight siblings -- Michael Shay, Cheyenne, Wyo. (Chris); Dan Shay, Ormond Beach, (Nancy); Molly Shakar, Tallahassee (Jaime); Eileen Casey, Winter Park (Brian); Tommy Shay, Palm Bay; Tim Shay, Daytona Beach (Jen); Maureen Martinez, Tallahassee (Ralph); and Mary Powell, Tallahassee (Neill); and numerous nieces and nephews. He leaves behind a multitude of friends.

He was preceded in death by his parents, Tom and Anna Shay, Daytona Beach.

A celebration of life will be held at 2 p.m. on Monday, Dec. 13, at Fred Lee Park in Palm Bay. Family invites you to a reception at the Shay home immediately following the ceremony. You are encouraged to wear orange and blue, the colors of Pat's favorite sports team, the Florida Gators.

I lieu of flowers, plant a tree in Pat's honor or contribute to the Arbor Day Foundation.

This is the obit I wrote for official announcements. The personal remembrance will come later.