Katie Goodman conducts improv comedy/life coach workshop within shouting distance of WY

Katie Goodman, improv comedian, author, and rabble-rousing singer/songwriter ("I Didn't F*ck It Up"), will be conducting a workshop at Chico Hot Springs, MT, Oct. 8-9. This is as close as she will ever get to Wyoming, unless she tap-dances over the border into Yellowstone while she's at Chico.

Here are the details:

Katie will present her workshop teaching how to use the tools of improv comedy in every day life. This workshop will be presented at the gorgeous Chico Hot Springs, one hour from Bozeman, near Yellowstone National Park in Montana.

Click here for reviews and testimonials. For additional information about the workshop, click here.

The cost is $255 which includes a beautiful Chico lunch both days and Katie's book to take home. Rooms run from $45 - $200, so to book your room, call Chico directly and pick what you like: 406-333-4933. Most participants stay over Saturday night, but you are certainly welcome to make a longer retreat of it and stay Friday and Sunday or longer. The workshop hours are 9am - 4:30 both Saturday and Sunday.

Lunches are provided for workshop participants both Saturday and Sunday. Exceptional cuisine from one of the region’s finest restaurant is available in the Chico Lodge restaurant for breakfast and dinner, as well as other budget options nearby. Other activities available include massage, hiking, horse-back-riding and more. And of course, the wonderful hot springs of Chico are included with your stay at the Lodge.

To register or for more information, email us or call 406-522-7623. 

Roy's a Liberal who sings funny songs about conservatives

Roy Zimmerman was born in San Francisco and still lives in the Bay Area. He could dwell forever in this cone of Liberalism. Yet something inside keeps urging him to get out and meet "Real People," those salt-of-the-earth types that conservatives love, in theory.

A bunch of us Real People went out to see Roy in concert Thursday night at the UU Church of Cheyenne. Some of you may not think of Unitarians as real people or UU as a real religion. We rarely hear about the Cheyenne Unitarians waging holy war against, say, the Sunni wing of the Unitarians over in Laramie.

Despite their namby-pamby ways, UU seems to thrive and put on great programs at their midtown church.

Roy Zimmerman's concert was one of those programs.

Roy wanders the country, seeking out pockets of Liberals to sing to. His plan is to play in all 50 states before the 2012 elections. He did the same thing before the 2008 elections, missing only Hawaii (too far away), Alaska (too cold) and New Mexico (didn't know it was in the United States). He won't make the same mistake again. This time, he started in Alaska, came to Wyoming and this weekend is in Colorado. You probably didn't know this, but Colorado Springs has a UU Church and Roy will play there Sunday. The American Taliban which make up most of the religious in Colorado Springs will not be amused.

One of the funniest songs from Thursday's Cheyenne concert was "The Abstinence Song."

"Abstain with me baby
Abstain with me all night long."

He sang it in a strained voice, as if attempting to keep his devilish desires in check. He also sang "The Bible Tells Me So," which recalls all the great marriages in the Old Testament. You know, King Solomon and his 700 wives and 300 concubines.Another great song is "My Conservative Girlfriend." He used to sing this with Anne Coulter in mind. Now he sings it to Michelle Bachmann.

"Moammar Ghaddafi gives us a glimpse of what a Michele Bachmann presidency would be like," he said as a prelude to the song.

Amen.

You can't visit Wyoming without bringing up the specter of Dick Cheney. And lo, he is quite spectrous. And his new book is out so his Satanic Majesty is all over the news.

Roy sang his "Chickenhawk Song," spelling out the litany of all those draft-dodging warmongers (like Cheney) who were only too happy to send your sons and daughters to die in Iraq and Afghanistan. Possibly the most touching song of the night was the ballad about being the "Last Man to Die in Afghanistan."

He didn't let Liberals off the hook. There was a satiric song about how hard it is to be a Liberal, and one about the "psychedelic relics" of the sixties. And a touching ballad about how regular people are trying to rise up against the bullshit. He reminded us that "hope" and "change" are powerful words, but there is a third one we need to remember: Struggle.

Three words: hope, struggle and change.

Roy is traveling the U.S. with his Starving Ear tour. This is his answer to the Hungry I in San Francisco, a place that featured outspoken activists of the fiftes and sixties. People like Mort Sahl, Bill Cosby, Lenny Bruce, Glenn Yarbrough and a host of others. Hungry I = Starving Ear. I get it.

Look up Roy's stuff at www.royzimmerman.com

Who are the funniest American writers?

Pat Robertson helped me discover Andy Borowitz.

Borowitz writes a great humor blog. The other day he posted this:

Evangelist Pat Robertson sparked controversy in today’s broadcast of his 700 Club program by saying that yesterday’s mild East Coast earthquake was God’s revenge on people “who act kind of gay.” 

I saw the re-post on Facebook and, thinking it was serious, made some sort of snarky remark. Then someone hipper than me sent a status-update that Borowitz was a humorist, fool, kind of like The Onion. Then I looked up the rest of Borowitz's take on Robertson:

"All across the Eastern seaboard, there are men who get manicures, wear designer eyewear and know about thread counts,” Rev. Robertson said.  “God finds this somewhat gay-like behavior confusing, and He responded by getting mildly peeved.” The televangelist warned that if Americans persist in their “seemingly sort-of-gay behavior,” the country should brace itself for additional ambiguous acts of retaliation from the Almighty.
 “God will strike back at people who act sort of gay with all kinds of mild responses,” he said.  “If you keep getting pedicures and facials, you can expect two to three inches of rain and some really hot humid days in your future.”

I get it. Very funny. Cuts close to the truth which is what good satire should do. And I fell for it.

Here's his bio from amazon.com:

Andy Borowitz  is a writer and a comedian whose work appears in The New Yorker and at his satirical website, BorowitzReport.com, which has millions of readers around the world. The author of six books, he is the first-ever winner of the National Press Club's humor award, a two-time finalist for the Thurber Prize for American Humor, and a two-time host of the National Book Awards. He has been called a "Swiftian satirist" (The Wall Street Journal), "America's satire king" (The Daily Beast) and "one of the funniest people in America" (CBS News Sunday Morning).

He has a new book coming out in October. It's called "The 50 Funniest American Writers." Already he's causing controversy with his list. For one thing, Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell aren't on it. To thinking people, they are the most hilarious people in America (along with Michele Bachmann). But other comedians didn't make the grade, either.

But humor writers aren't really comedians. They have comedic talents, naturally, but they also know how to create believable characters and string sentences together into a story. 

Some of Borowitz's favorites are mine too. Ring Lardner, Robert Benchley, S.J. Perelman, Mark Twain, Fran Leibowitz, Molly Ivins, Woody Allen, etc. Others I don't know much about: David Rakoff, Larry Wilmore and Sloane Crosley. Must find out more…

On the literary humor side, the National Book Critics Circle “Critical Mass” blog has been featuring posts all summer by its membership and former winners about the best comic novels. It comes under the title "NBCC Reads." Since I didn’t see this until we were well into the dog days, I had to play catch-up with my reading. 

Favorite comic novel? No surprise there – “Catch-22” by Joseph Heller. It’s a masterpiece, one that I’ve read six times and dip into periodically for some laughs. The characters are fantastic and the writing superb.

I’m a little less insightful on some of the other choices. I haven't read “Lucky Jim” by Kingsley Amis. This makes me feel dumb as apparently everyone else in creation has read this 1953 novel.

I feel smart again when I read about the classic English novels “Tristram Shandy,” “Pride and Prejudice,” and “Tom Jones.” It’s been awhile, but English Department Brit Lit courses are good for something.

David Abrams writes at length about Lewis Nordan’s “Music of the Swamp. I haven’t read that Nordan masterpiece, but I have read “Lightning Song,” “The Sharpshooter Blues” and “Wolf Whistle.” There is always a dark streak to Lewis Nordan, usually darkly humorous – he’s from Mississippi, after all. In the latter novel, he uses it to great horror with the infamous Emmett Till murder.

“A Confederacy of Dunces” was named by three writers. Bharati Mukerjee likes Salman Rushdie’s “Shame.”

Here’s how Rob Spilman describes his favorite, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy," by Douglas Adams: “The consistently hilarious series of novels is deadpan funny from the opening destruction of the earth."

My son Kevin would agree with that. He turned me on to the series through audiobook during a cross-state jaunt across Wyoming. He’s still a big fan. I also saw the movie, which sort-of counts.

Go read this Critical Mass series as summer wanes.

I’d like to make a pitch for some of my favorite comedic writers, ones that seem to have been left out of the NBCC series. The late Grace Paley’s stories are amazing. I have a signed first edition of Paley’s “The Collected Stories.” I suppose I should be handling it with kid gloves, but it’s well-worn now. Here’s the opening from “An Interest in Life:”

“My husband gave me a broom one Christmas. This wasn’t right. No one can tell me it was meant kindly.”

It just gets better from there.

Tim Sandlin of Jackson is a fantastically funny novelist. I’m not saying that just because he’s from Wyoming. Go read “Jimi Hendrix Turns 80” or any one of the Gros Vont series. Tell me that’s not funny.

Bronx-born Jerome Charyn writes the Isaac Sidel NYC cop novels. I read the Mysterious Press paperbacks that came out in the 1990s. They are very hard to find now, at least in bookstores, even good ones such as Kramerbooks in D.C. Kirkus Reviews says that Charyn “writes like a rabbi on bad acid.” The NYT Book Review called his books “anarchic in form and apocalyptic in theme.”

Our public library has none of Charyn’s books (they’ve tried to order them). Neither do our bookstores. I have a few copies you can borrow. I’ll temporarily swap you a copy of “Maria’s Girls” for one of “Lucky Jim.”

Billionaires for Wealthcare members welcome the Koch Brothers' Tea Party Express to Cheyenne

All of us local Billionaires for Wealthcare members are gathering in downtown Cheyenne Monday for cocktails and sign-waving. 

The Tea Party Express is rolling into town Monday, Aug. 29, funded by our fellow billionaires, the unfairly maligned Koch Brothers. If you want to act like a billionaire and believe that wealthcare is all we need in this country and the poor and middle classes have it too good because Social Security is a "disease" then come to our rally for billionaires. Dress like the opulent rich person that you are -- tiaras, tuxes, long gloves, formal wear, or whatever. 

We will gather at Capitol Avenue and Lincolnway (16th Street) at 5:30 p.m. Don't be late. That's so gauche.

For more information or to see examples go to www.billionairesforwealthcare.com.

FMI: 307-631-3410 or 631-9990. 

TELL YOUR BILLIONAIRE FRIENDS!

Tea Party Slim: "Keep the change"

An August Sunday morning. Tea Party Slim and I were dining on the veranda. We weren't so much "dining" as eating doughnuts and swilling coffee. And "veranda" would be a high-falutin' name for my utilitarian back porch.

The sun was out, sprinklers were on and we were at rest on the Sabbath. Slim's wife was at church. Mine was walking the basement treadmill.

I announced: "Which way, Cheyenne?"

Slim looked at me blankly. He held half of a gigantic apple fritter in his hand.

I pointed at the front of the Cheyenne paper. Big headline: "Which Way, Cheyenne?" Smaller subhead: "What do you want our city and county to look like 20 years down the road?"

Slim sat back in the chair. "I like it just the way it is."

"Keep the change, right? Just like your bumper sticker?"

Anti-Obama stickers remained affixed to the massive bumper of Slim's Hummer. I guessed that he was saving them for 2012.

He nodded. "Change is not good."

I finished off my chocolate doughnut and sipped some coffee. "Don't you enjoy electricity and indoor plumbing?"

He waved the fritter at me. "Don't be ridiculous. Our country's been the leader in those sorts of improvements."

"So you wouldn't be adverse to further civic improvements? Paved roads, traffic lights, schools, hospitals, long-range planning, better airports?"

"Paved roads are overrated," he harrumphed. "What kind of long-range planning are we talking about?

I picked up the paper and read aloud about the two long-range plans. The City of Cheyenne Metropolitan Planning Organization (MPO) is commissioning a new five-year plan as the previous one expires. It will cost $278,000, 90.5 percent paid for by federal funds and the rest split between the city and county. Clarion Associates out of Fort Collins will conduct the study. Laramie County's five-year plan is five years out of date. It will only incur nominal expenses for printing and community events as it plays catch up to things such as the massive Swan Ranch development, the Niobrara Oil Play, increased industrial development along county stretches of I-25 and I-80, etc.

Slim's responses was predictable. "The first is a waste of time and money. The second is a waste of time."

"But the Feds are picking up most of the tab for the first one"

He sat up. "See, there you go again. That's our tax money you're talking about. Why should it go to some nonsense like long-range planning when developers and and businesses and oil companies should be left alone to grow our economy." Slim paused. He looked thoughtful for a micro-second. "In fact, I'm going to write Rep. Cynthia Lummis and tell her to eliminate whatever federal agency is providing money for that stupid study." He jammed the rest of the fritter into his mouth, washed it down with some java.

"Wow, Slim, I didn't know you felt so strongly about boring planning issues."

He chuckled. "You like to push my buttons, don't you?

"I truly do. Hey Slim, did you know that U.S. Secretary of Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood recently announced a $400,000 grant to our county. It's for rebuilding the interchange at I-25 and College Drive. The goal is to 'reduce crashes.' Good idea, don't you think?"

"I hate that interchange. Some nitwit from Colorado ran into the Hummer there last winter."

"So it's O.K. to spend federal money on that project?"

"Let those gigantic truck stops pay the costs. There's three of them out there. Plus a bunch of fast-food joints."

"Soak the corporations, eh Slim?" I smiled. "Socialist!"

He laughed. "They benefit the most from he interchange. Let them pay to rebuild it."

I paused. "You may have a revolutionary idea there there, Slim. Have developers actually pay up-front for the roads, sewers, water lines, electric services and everything else that will benefit them. The developers will love that idea."

For the first time that morning, Slim began to look uncomfortable. "People should pay for the services they use. That's all I'm saying. Don't overextend yourself. That goes for people and that goes for our country. That's how we got into this mess. Now everyone wants to get bailed out."

"I don't."

"You're one of the few Liberals who can say that."

"My wife can say that. My kids can say that."

"You know what I mean," he snapped. "Not all Liberals want a bailout. A lot of them do. And so do some Republicans. They should be ashamed of themselves."

I felt a need to sum up the conversation so I could go inside for another doughnut. "So no change?"

"No change."

"Another fritter?"

I fetched more fried dough and brewed dark roast. For a few moments, we sat quietly in the warm morning.

"I probably won't be around in 20 years," Slim said.

"Not if you keep eating those fritters."

He contemplated his lumpy slab of fried dough. "You may be right."

"Your kids and grandkids will be here, though. Mine too."

"I guess they'll have to figure it out," Slim said. "Just like we did."

"Or not."

"Or not," he concluded.

Roy Zimmerman offers a satirical antidote to Red State weirdness with a Sept. 1 Cheyenne concert

The Unitarian Universalist Church in Cheyenne hosts Roy Zimmerman on Thursday, September 1 at 7 p.m. Below is some information about Roy and there is much more on YouTube or his web site.

“Live From the Starving Ear” is 90 minutes of Roy Zimmerman’s wickedly inventive satirical songs.  The Tea Party, the economy, same-sex marriage, Socialism, Creationism, guns, taxes, abstinence and yes, Obama, all come under tuneful scrutiny. “There’s a whole new political landscape,” he says, “painted by Jackson Pollock.”

In twelve albums over twenty years, Roy has brought the sting of satire to the struggle for Peace and Social Justice.  His songs have been heard on HBO and Showtime.  He has recorded for Warner/Reprise Records.  He’s been profiled on NPR’s “All Things Considered,” and he's a featured blogger for the Huffington Post.  Roy’s YouTube videos have garnered over six million views and tens of thousands of comments, many of them coherent.  And yes, he has a website: http://royzimmerman.com/

The Los Angeles Times says, “Zimmerman displays a lacerating wit and keen awareness of society’s foibles that bring to mind a latter-day Tom Lehrer.”

Tom Lehrer himself says, "I congratulate Roy Zimmerman on reintroducing literacy to comedy songs. And the rhymes actually rhyme, they don't just 'rhyne.'"

Joni Mitchell says, "Roy's lyrics move beyond poetry and achieve perfection."

Watch one of Roy's YouTube videos at http://youtu.be/qNi1sevKNd0

Olyeller clashes with Olblue

Tea Party Slim has recreation on his mind this Fourth of July weekend.

"Glendo?" I asked, mentioning a state park about 90 miles north of Cheyenne.

Slim sneered. "Too many Greenies."

I nodded. "We should put up a southern border fence."

Slim looked pensive. "Might work -- just a fence to keep out the Liberals. Colorado's crawling with them."

I laughed. "A fence with a Liberal detector? Turn back anyone with a pointy little head?"

"Or drinking a latte." He joined the laughter.

"Obama bumper sticker? Turn 'em around, tell 'em to get back to Boulder."

"Two Obama bumper stickers? Lock 'em up!"

"On what charge?"

Slim paused. "Reckless endangerment -- of Wyoming's citizens."

"DUI: Driving Under the Influence -- of Liberal Ideas."

A real knee-slapper. Slim slapped his knee. "Aiding and abetting -- terrorists."

I ceased laughing. "See Slim, there you go ruining a good time by going all Tea Party on me."

"What?"

"And we were having such a good time together bashing Colorado Liberals."

Slim tried to make amends. "Look, I was just..."

"Heard it all before, Slim. Obama is soft on terrorists. He may be one himself, seeing as he's from Kenya and his father was a Muslim. Isn't that the Tea Party line?"

"There's no Tea Party line," Slim said, looking defensive. "We're not a political party so we don't have a party line."

"That's true," I said. "Let's just say that those are typical Tea Party talking points."

"We don't have talking points."

"Yelling points?"

Slim smiled. "I just yelled once at a town hall meeting last year and now I'm a yeller?"

"Ol' Yeller?"

"That's a pretty good Twitter handle."

"I'll steer clear of your posts."

"C'mon Mike, I'll be olyeller and you can be Ol' Blue, as in blue state."

I stared at Slim. "Not bad -- Ol' Blue. But it sounds a bit like the name of a hound dog some Alabama KKK guy would own. 'Sic 'em, Blue, sic that pointy-headed Liberal. Get that colored fella next."

Slim slapped me on the back like some Alabama KKK guy. "I love joshin' with you Olblue, but I have to get rolling. The misses and the RV are waiting."

"Where are you going?

"It's a secret."

"State park?"

"No."

"National park? National forest?"

"No."

"BLM land?"

"None of those. A bunch of us own some land up around Laramie Peak. Private land, so we can recreate in peace."

I imagined a forest grove with a dozen RVs circled up like Conestogas. Slim and his fellow Tea Party windbags sat by the fire roasting Obamacare and big gubment. The little women were barefoot (too old to be pregnant) and busy cooking and cleaning and cutting firewood. I wondered what circle of Dante's Inferno this would be.

"You have fun, Slim. While you're recreating in the mountains, the Liberal misses and I will be plotting the overthrow of the U.S. Government."

"Hey," he said, standing tall, "that's our job."

Photo: Tea Party Slim is out there somewhere, plotting mischief. Photo of WY Shirley Rim/Hwy. 77 (used under Creative Commons license).

I shock Tea Party Slim: "You guys are geniuses!"

Tea Party Slim couldn't wait to hear what I learned at Netroots Nation. He was pounding on my door five minutes after I returned from my trip.

"Let me sum it up," I said. "You Tea Party types are (pause for effect) geniuses."

This knocked Slim for a loop. "Geniuses?"

There was a time when I would have responded the same way. Geniuses? The same guys and gals with kindergarten spelling skills, who get all their news from the Fox Propaganda Channel, who shout nonsense at Congressional town meetings?

"Let me rephrase. I'm a little groggy from five days of Liberal politics."

"God forbid." There was a strange light in Slim's eyes, as if imagining Life in Hell.

"The Tea Party movement is genius," I rephrased.

"The Tea Party movement?"

"The big picture, Slim. The motivating force behind all of you."

"You mean the Constitution? The dreams that motivated our founding fathers?"

I summarized a presentation by Van Jones. Van Jones is an environmental advocate, civil rights activist and attorney. He's black, too. All of these assets made him a conservative target in 2009 when Pres. Obama appointed him as point man for the Green Jobs Economy.

"Van Jones said that he spent the past year studying the Tea Party," I said. "His conclusion: there is no Tea Party. It has no director, no D.C. office, no receptionist. It's an open-source brand."

I could tell that Slim was wary, as if he was being lured led into some kind of Liberal trap.

"I know what this is," he said. "It' something anyone can use."

"That's right. A brand ready-made for every Right Wing group in the country. Anti-immigrant groups, Ayn Rand Book Groups, KKK..."

"There you go," he said. "We're not Right Wing, we're true conservatives. You Lefties want to paint us a radicals."

"Lefties?" I smiled. "You got me. Anyway, there were thousands of 'true conservative" organizations ready to adopt the Tea Party mantle. Those small groups became a large force of like-minded people pushing their politicians."

"And we won in 2010."

"Yes, and you want to win forever. But you can't."

A wry smile from Slim. "Wanna bet?"

"No offense, Slim, but you're old and white. I'm getting there too. Tea Party rallies feature gray hairs and gray beards and people with walkers."

"And we vote in large numbers."

"Agreed. But you and I are an endangered species, Slim. Sure, you elected people like Rick Scott and Scott Walker and hundreds of ultra-conservative legislators all across the U.S."

"And a U.S. House majority -- don't forget that."

"How could I?" I shivered as my mind flashed on an image of Michelle Bachmann. "But your crazies are motivating us. Those Wisconsin legislators who bullied teachers and firefighters are being recalled. Young people are rising up. And progressives have open-source brands of our own."

"Name one."

"Rebuild the Dream, for one."

"And Van Jones is the big cheese?"

"No, he's just getting the ball rolling. Local groups in Wyoming can be a part of it and won't have to pay dues or kowtow to some vaunted leader. The Netroots will be a part of it too."

"Bloggers." Slim said it with scorn.

I decided to switch the narrative, a timeworn Republican trick that Dems are slowly beginning to learn. "How does it feel to be a trailblazer?"

He brightened. "So you're coming to our Open-Source Brand Tea Party rally Friday at the State Capitol?"

"I'm at every Tea Party rally, Slim. Usually I come to privately revel in my scorn. This time I'm attending for research."

"Research?"

"Sure. Van Jones said he wants his open-source brand to be as warm and fuzzy, kind and sharing, as the Tea Party. And as patriotic -- liberty and justice for all, eh?"

Slim rose and headed for the door. "I'll see Friday at noon. Better wear protective coloration and not that." He pointed at my red-white-and-blue Democracy for America T-shirt.

"You guys don't believe in democracy?"

"We're a republic -- as in Republican."

And I thought we were making progress, Slim and I. Maybe we will find common ground Friday at the Tea Party rally.

Photo: Van Jones says that the Tea Party could be a model for Liberal activists.

Tea Party Slim & Sovereign Jake vs. Liberal Mike

I ran into Tea Party Slim at the downtown Starbucks. “Hey Slim,” I said. “Enjoying that Fair Trade Coffee?”

He peered at his grande coffee cup. "Slim” was printed on its side.

"It's just coffee,” said Slim.

I grabbed a colorful bag of beans from the rack. I read: “By working together and paying the prices that premium coffee deserves, we’re helping improve the lives of those farmers and their communities. Find out about additional ways we are working with farmers to ethnically source our coffee at starbucks.com/sharedplanet.”

Slim frowned. “I may have to go back to the doughnut shop. They have regular American coffee there -- and it doesn't preach at you.”

“Even Dave’s Doughnuts serves coffee made somewhere else," I said. "It’s sold by corporations like Folger’s or Nestle. The corporation gets more of the profit and small growers less.”

“Who’s the know-it-all?” Slim’s friend spoke for the first time. He looked a bit younger than Slim, maybe in his fifties. His hair was streaked with gray as was his bushy beard. He wore a striped western shirt, brown vest, jeans and Sunday-go-to-meeting cowboy boots.

“Meet Liberal Mike,” said Slim, “one of the few registered Democrats in Laramie County.”

“I’m Jake,” said the man. “Freeman."

We shook hands. His grip was firm; his eyes held mine.

"Jake Freeman," I said.

"No, my last name is, well, it's not important," he said. "I meant that I am a Free Man -- sovereign."

I'd heard the terms before and wanted to know more. “Let me get some shade-tree-grown Nicaraguan coffee and a whole wheat organic scone and I’ll join you gents.”

I did just that. I grabbed one of the easy chairs across from Jake. He and Slim stared at me. “Do I have a booger hanging out of my nose?” I swiped my hand across my face.

Slim laughed. “Jake doesn’t know any Liberals.” He turned to Jake. “It’s like going to the zoo, eh Jake? Looking at the strange creatures.”

“I have lots of company,” I said. "In 2008, 3,800 new Democrats registered in Laramie County. Many of them voted. That's how Obama won the majority of votes in this county."

"That was then," said Slim. "Where were they last November?"

"I don't vote," said Jake.

This time, Slim and I stared at Jake.

"Don't vote?"

"Don't need to," he said. "Why should I have to register to vote for a government I don't believe in?"

Jake erupted in a diatribe about what it means to be a sovereign. The united states of America (lower care u and s) is a republic based on the Declaration of Independence, the Articles of Confederation and the Constitution. The Magna Carta, too. And the Bible. The United States of America (capitalized) was corrupted following the Civil War. It became a centralized, profit-seeking corporation, its many laws and regulations just ways to keep the people in their place. States, on the other hand, are individual republics and make the only laws worth following.

Our coffee cups were bone-dry by the time Jake fell silent.

"I guess you don't pay taxes," I said, recalling the big check I just wrote to the IRS.

He chuckled. "I'm not a slave to the IRS. I believe in free enterprise. Me and my fellow sovereigns barter our goods and services."

"What's your skill?"

"Paperwork," he said with a grin. "In my previous life, I was a Certified Public Accountant with the State of Wyoming. I know all the tricks. I pay my filing fee and present reams of paperwork that some clerk has to input into the system. Clogs up the bureaucracy. Drives them crazy."

"Guerrilla tactics," said Slim the veteran.

"Same kind of tactics that anti-war activists used during Vietnam -- and right now," I said. "Don't pay taxes for the war machine. Or pay in bags of pennies that you haul down to the IRS office. File loads of paperwork to clog the system."

Jake stared at me. "You Liberals have your own causes," he said. "Mostly you believe in big government. An illegitimate government." He paused. "Our president doesn't even have a birth certificate."

"Now you're talkin'" said Slim.

I replied: "I thought you didn't believe in government. That's who handles birth certificates. Do you want government more involved in tracking our personal lives?"

Jake waved away my criticism. "State and local governments have some legitimacy. For instance, I register my vehicles and pay the fees. My truck needs a license plate."

"So some government is O.K.?"

"State and local. The county sheriff is the law of the land."

"If you're so sovereign, why would you take orders from any law officer."

He nodded. "Slim, your boy here is sharper than he looks."

"He has his moments," said Slim.

"There is one thing that we won't register, right Slim?" He padded his vest, lifting it up so I could see the Glock snug in its holster. Slim, in turn, lifted his jacket and revealed the SIG Sauer pistol he had showed off to me several times.

"No gun registration for these bad boys," said Jake. "It's just a way for the One World Government to track us down, take away our guns and lock us away in re-education camps."

The coffee was long gone, and the conversation had taken a bad turn.

"This government will fall, by peace or by force," said Jake.

I stood. "If you gentlemen will excuse me, I'm off to buy a gun."

"I thought you didn't believe in guns," said Slim.

"Hush, Slim," said Jake. "I think we talked him into joining us."

"No," I answered. "When the time comes, I may need it to protect myself and my family from the likes of you."

NOTE: Much of the information on the sovereign movement was taken from an excellent three-part series by Tom Morton in the Casper Star-Tribune. Joe O'Sullivan also covered some similar issues regarding city zoning laws. For some additional stories, read Tom Morton's blog at http://trib.com/news/opinion/blogs/morton/

Tea Party descends on U.S. Capitol to kill gubment "monster"

Tea Partiers are swarming Congressional offices today, shouting "Let's kill the monster -- but keep those Social Security checks and Medicare payments coming!"

Meanwhile, majority of Americans tiring of all this pitchfork-rattling and torch-waving. Go to http://blogs.reuters.com/frontrow/2011/03/30/as-tea-party-cranks-up-heat-on-congress-poll-shows-public-support-waning/

Give me your well-fed, your disgustingly rich, all those corporate CEOs with walk-in humidors...

Thanks to Interested Party for posting this new T-shirt design. Are there special Lenten discounts?

UPDATE: The headline should read: "Blessed are the well-fed, the disgustingly rich, corporate CEOs with walk-in humidors..." I mixed up the Emma Lazarus quotation on the Statue of Liberty with Jesus's Sermon on the Mount. Maybe I should go to church more often -- or visit NYC more often.

Tea Party Slim is rested and ready for June rally

Tea Party Slim is back from his travels and looking forward to the big June 15 Cheyenne T.E.A. Party Movement rally in front of the State Capitol Building.

“It’s been a good year for freedom,” said Slim. “That’s Freedom with a capital F.”

“At least you can spell,” I quipped.

Slim glared at me. “That’s all the media could talk about – misspellings on signs at Tea Party rallies. Fat lot of good it did in the 2010 elections. Tea Party candidates won across the board.”

“Good point,” I said. “The Tea Party is ridicule-proof.”

“Damn straight. You elitists can make fun of us all you want. But we show up to vote and you don’t. So we won.”

“Another good point, Slim. That’s the second time I’ve said that in as many minutes.”

He smiled. “Better get used to it.”

Slim’s skin was bronzed from his time in Arizona. I couldn’t help noticing the stitches on his forehead. “What happened there?”

He touched the wound. “ Just a little skin cancer. Doctor thought it looked suspicious so she dug it out. Thank God for the V.A.”

“You can thank me and all the taxpayers for the V.A. We’re glad to oblige.”

“We served our country and we deserve medical care.”

“I’m just noting that it was taxpayer-supported medical care. I may be an elitist, but I pay my taxes.”

“Too many taxes,” he growled.

“That may be, but without taxes there wouldn’t be a military and there would be no military benefits like the V.A.”

“My turn to agree,” he said. “I’ve paid my share of taxes over the years.”

“We all have. All of us except for the rich and big corporations.”

“Don’t start with the class war stuff. Big corporations pay plenty of taxes. Besides, a lot of those companies are defense contractors. We wouldn’t have the best-equipped military in the world if it wasn’t for them.”

“General Electric earned $14.2 billion in 2010 but paid no U.S. taxes. A New York Times report said that the corporation had a negative U.S. tax rate last year, getting a $3.2 billion tax benefit. During the last five years, GE made $26 billion in what it lists as American profits, but got the IRS to write it a $4.1 billion check. So we’re paying G.E.’s share of taxes.”

“I don’t trust the New York Times. Where did it get its information? Probably from some disgruntled overpaid former employee.”

“Public records,” I said.

“The IRS? I don’t trust them.”

“Do you know how G.E. got out of paying taxes? It lends to foreign companies, which means American taxpayers indirectly subsidize those foreign loans. Meanwhile, G.E. is slashing its U.S. workforce and sending jobs overseas.”

“All companies have to make a profit. To compete, they send the jobs to countries where labor costs are lower. Everybody knows that.”

“Maybe so. But why do you and I have to subsidize these businesses? Shouldn’t they be left to the free market that you Tea Partiers love so much? And we’re paying taxes when they aren’t. And they’re closing factories and putting tax-paying Americans out of work.” I paused to catch my breath.

Slim glared at me. “That’s the problem with you pointy-headed intellectuals. You hate the businesses that made America great. But you love the IRS. And the New York Times.”

I was tempted to unleash a barrage of ridicule at Slim. But what good would it do? The Tea Party is ridicule-proof and logic-proof. “Hope your forehead heals up soon,” I said.

He touched his wound again. “I have an appointment at the Cheyenne V.A. tomorrow. Doc will take out the stitches -- and give me my annual physical.”

“I wish you good health,” I said. “Want to be in tip-top shape for that June Tea Party anti-tax rally.”

“Wouldn’t miss it,” he concluded.

Photo from Cheyenne Tea Party rally, March 2009

SUPER CRIME STOPPERS -- Wisconsin/Wyoming Edition

Seen any suspicious characters lurking around Wyoming the past few weeks? Other than Republican legislators and oil company lobbyists at the State Capitol? If so, the Wisconsin governor needs you! SUPER CRIME STOPPERS wants tips on renegade Wisconsin state senators. Most people think they fled to Illinois, but valid tips have been flooding in from Tuscon to Tucumcari, Tehatchapi to Tonapah, Boulder to Birmingham, from the redwood forests to the Gulf Stream waters. One tipster thought he saw one of these renegades at the McDonald's in Douglas. Turned out to be a jackalope. Other sightings have come in from Jeffrey City and Medicine Bow. A suspicious duo in a Prius were stopped for driving too slowly on I-80 outside of Evanston. They turned out to be the only two Democrats in Uinta County. They were hauled in anyway for preventive waterboarding.

The Wisconsin Governor welcomes all sightings. Call now! Click on the link below and call now! And watch the skies!

SUPER CRIME STOPPERS -- Wisconsin Edition | Crooks and Liars

Teachers, get out your yardsticks to see if classroom flags measure up

Culled from this week's legislative report from the Wyoming Democrats:

Patriotism in the classroom (HB 204):  Rep. Gerald Gay (R-Casper) introduced legislation that would require all classrooms to have a standard sized American flag and that at the first period of each day students must recite the Pledge of Allegiance.  It also requires school boards to "ensure that no other flag or banner containing a political message or connotation is displayed higher" than the flag and that they have a policy for students who do not wish to recite the pledge.  The proposal passed the House on Monday and the Senate Minerals Committee on Friday on a vote of 4-1.  It now goes to the full Senate.

Wyoming teachers survived a legislative assault on their status as tenured educators. However, they now will have to carry a yardstick at all times, not to whack student knuckles (I went to Catholic school) but to ensure the proper size of the U.S. flag in their classrooms. No more of those disruptive "My American flag is bigger than yours" battles among teachers. When asked by their parents if their school room has a standard-sized American flag made in China, students can now answer loudly and proudly "yes!" or add emphasis with the German "yavohl!"

What are the consequences should a first-grader refuse to recite the pledge to the standard-size U.S. flag? That's when teachers will be allowed to use their yardsticks in a punitive manner. The details have yet to be worked out, but I'm sure Rep. Gay is working this weekend on the guidelines.

See how simple legislation can be? 

Tea Party Slim's budget worries

My old pal, Tea Party Slim, told me that he had a great time at this week’s inaugural festivities in Cheyenne.

“Now that Republicans rule the roost, the days of government throwing money at problems are a thing of the past.”

“What’s the government throwing money at?” I asked this in all sincerity.

“Education, for one. We throw more and more money at the public education system and still get the same results. Why not cut funding and see if that helps.”

“Why not just eliminate public school spending?” I said. “Home-school all the kids. Put those overpaid socialistic unionized teachers out of work.”

Slim smiled. “Sen. Hank Coe has those socialistic unionized teachers in his sights. He’s proposing a bill to end teacher tenure.”

“That’s one way to save money. Get rid of all those highly-paid experienced teachers and replace them with low-paid inexperienced teachers. Better yet, just close all those expensive schools and do that book-learnin’ at home. If it was good enough for pioneers, it’s good enough for us.”

Slim chuckled. “If this wasn’t such a great all-Republican week, I might take offense at that.”

“What other ways will the Legislature save money?”

“Glad you asked. End Obamacare. It’s expensive and unconstitutional. Gov. Mead says that we can do health care better in Wyoming because we have true grit.”

“Didn’t a legislator propose a bill that would earmark $2 million for that lawsuit against healthcare reform?”

“It’s not an earmark. And you know as well as I do, Mike, that lawyers cost money.”

“But it’s the Wyoming Attorney General’s office that’s doing the suing. Aren’t those AG attorneys state employees getting paid at the high end of the scale?”

“Sure, but you have expenses.”

“Lots and lots of trips to D.C. Phone calls. Photocopies.”

“Research, too. Lots and lots of research.”

“Still, $2 million is a lot of money for a lawsuit that doesn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of succeeding.”

“Says you. “ He chuckled again. “You’re not going to ruin this week for me. I’m feeling good and I plan on feeling this way right through the next presidential election.”

“When Sarah Palin gets elected?”

“She supports the Tea Party. She’s from Alaska – and an N.R.A. member. She’d be a great president.”

I could have fallen off my chair laughing. But I let it go. “What other cost-cutting measures are in the works?

“I have two words for you: illegal immigration.”

I waited patiently for more. When nothing was forthcoming, I had to ask how stopping illegal immigration into Wyoming would save the state money.

“Illegals are taking our jobs. Those jobs should go to Americans. We have unemployed people in this state.”

“We have one of the lowest unemployment rates in the U.S. Jobs go begging at fast-food joints and motels and farms. Illegals do the jobs that we don’t want to do.”

“We educate their kids too – and teach them English. That’s expensive. And don’t forget law enforcement. You’ve seen what those Mexican gangs are doing in Arizona. Cutting off people’s heads! You don’t want that here, do you?”

“Gov. Brewer invented the story about headless corpses littering the Arizona desert.”

Slim removed his hat and placed it over his heart. “Gov. Brewer is our hero. Don’t say anything bad about that great lady. She’s saving her state by kicking out illegals and stopping unnecessary heart transplants.”

“Not to mention head transplants.” I laughed this time.

“You Liberals think you’re all so smart. But you’re a dying breed in this state.”

“Don’ I know it. What are you going to do when all the Liberals are gone and this is the only one-party state in the U.S.A.?”

“Have a party,” said Slim with a grin. “And put up a big fence.”

“Won’t that be expensive?”

Slim looked thoughtful for a minute. “Unemployed teachers can build it. We’ll pay them Wyoming’s minimum wage, which is the lowest in the country.”

It was my turn to be thoughtful. “That would save the state money.”

“And we’d all sleep better at night knowing that we live in the safest and most secure place on earth.”

Attention America: RepubliCorp will own you!